How Do I Stop Overthinking Everything?

“Why won’t my brain shut up?”

If you find yourself stuck in your head—replaying conversations, second-guessing every decision, or lying awake overthinking what someone might have meant—you’re not alone.

Many women struggle with overthinking. It often hides behind care, intelligence, and the desire to do things well. But underneath, it can feel exhausting. Like your brain has no off switch.

So how do you stop overthinking everything?

Here’s the honest answer from an ACT perspective:

You don’t need to stop your thoughts. You just need to stop letting them run the show.

Your Mind: A Problem-Solving Machine

In ACT, we understand the mind as a powerful tool—what Russ Harris calls a “problem-solving machine.” It evolved to keep you safe, scanning for danger and solving problems. That’s useful when you’re navigating deadlines, planning your week, or fixing a real-life issue.

But here’s the problem: your mind doesn’t stop with practical problems. It treats emotions, relationships, and life decisions like puzzles too.

That’s why when you feel unsure, rejected, or anxious, your mind jumps in with:

“What did I do wrong?”

“What if they’re mad at me?”

“What’s the right choice here?”

It’s trying to help—but in doing so, it can trap you in loops that feel like clarity but actually create more confusion and self-doubt.

What Overthinking Is

Overthinking shows up in two common forms:

Rumination: Replaying past situations—“Why did I say that?”

Worry: Predicting future scenarios—“What if this goes wrong?”

It’s a kind of mental time travel. And while it often comes from care or self-protection, it can disconnect you from the only place you can make meaningful choices: the present moment.

Why Trying to “Stop Thinking” Doesn’t Work

The harder we try to control or suppress thoughts, the louder they tend to get (this is known as the paradox of thought suppression). So instead of trying to empty your mind or “be more positive,” ACT invites you to take a radically different approach:

You can’t stop your thoughts. But you can change your relationship with them.

5 ACT-Informed Ways to Step Out of Overthinking

1. Notice the Loop: “Thanks, Mind.”

When you catch yourself spiraling, pause and say:

“Ah, my mind is doing the thing again.”

This is a skill called defusion. It helps you create space between you and your thoughts—so you can observe them instead of getting pulled into them.

Try:

“I’m noticing the thought that I’ll mess this up.”

“Thanks, mind. I see you trying to keep me safe.”

You’re not arguing with your thoughts—just choosing not to get tangled in them.

2. Drop the Struggle

Imagine you’re in a tug-of-war with a monster (your thoughts) over a pit of fire. You pull and pull, but it just pulls back harder. The only way to win?

Drop the rope.

Let the thoughts be there without engaging. This doesn’t mean giving up—it means choosing to redirect your energy toward what matters, even with uncomfortable thoughts in the background.

3. Ground in the Present Moment

Overthinking lives in the past and future. Your power lives in the present.

Simple grounding practices like:

• Feeling your feet on the floor

• Taking 3 slow breaths

• Naming 5 things you can see right now

…can help bring you back to now. Not to “calm down,” but to reconnect with what’s actually here—your body, your environment, your next step.

4. Ask: What Do I Want to Stand For?

Instead of trying to “figure it out,” try asking:

“What kind of person do I want to be in this moment?”

This connects you with your values—your deeper compass. Whether it’s being kind, honest, courageous, or present, values can guide your next step far better than the mind’s spinning.

Even if your thoughts are saying “You’re not ready,” you can still act in line with what matters.

5. Take a Small, Values-Aligned Action

Overthinking often paralyses us. But you don’t need to wait for perfect clarity to move.

Choose the smallest possible step:

• Message the friend

• Submit the assignment

• Say “I don’t know, but I’ll think about it”

It doesn’t need to be bold. It just needs to be aligned with what’s meaningful to you.

Final Thought

Overthinking isn’t a flaw. It’s a byproduct of having a complex, protective, intelligent mind. The goal isn’t to stop your thoughts, but to unhook from them—so you can live more freely, more fully, and more on your terms.

So the next time you catch yourself spiralling, try pausing and asking:

“What is my mind trying to solve right now—and what do I actually care about?”

Let that guide you forward.